An enemy is someone you have taken a stand against. An idea that seems simple at first but can be quite complicated when we take a deeper look. Enemies can be people who have hurt us directly in some way. But, they could also be innocent people that we believe have hurt us. I can help you find out the difference.
Our enemies tend to be the people we complain about the most. They can also be the people we’re jealous of. If we’re not careful our pet peeves can unintentionally turn other people into our enemies. Let’s take deeper look.
Who Do I Complain About?
If you wrote a list of the people you’ve complained about in the last week, how long would it be? From people who are foundationally different than you to the guy who cut you off in traffic.
Ouch. That one stings.
I’m an opinionated American. I’ve got unique ideas that I need to express. But, do I really NEED to express them?
Have I mulled these complaints around, compared them to what the Bible has to say about the topic and tried to see the other person through the eyes of Christ? Or just tried to be a compassionate, understanding human?
So what if the other mom at church was rude to me when we were picking up our kids after service. Maybe she was in a hurry. Maybe she’s shy. Maybe she’s struggling. I don’t need to start the I Hate Sally Fan Club just because I was in a chatty mood and she wasn’t.
To take things a little farther out of our circle of friends. What about people in other political parties? That person who overshares every hour of every day on their social media… and then comments on everyone else’s posts that disagree with them.
People in that other country that’s always on the news in a negative light. How could they possibly think they’re right in their choices? Don’t they see things from the other side?
Often we take people we can’t relate to *yet* and paint them in a 100% negative light. We decide without any real research that they are the opposite of us. And the opposite of me must be wrong and bad… right?
But does opposite really equal bad? I don’t think so. For example, different parenting styles don’t equate to one being the best and one being the worst. Minivan vs motorcycle. Homeschool vs private school vs public school vs unschooling. “Different” does not mean “flat out unworthy and horrible with zero good traits.”
Our opinions of other people shouldn’t always be black and white. Some actions do cross a line and will always be bad. But, people as a whole are not black and white. We’re all a mess of gray. Light gray and dark gray on the same days even.
Let’s look at ourselves for a minute.
When we research and come to a decision for our own lives we often don’t tell others about every step of our process. We just expect other people to respect our choices at face value, and the thought we put into them, without explanation.
But it’s so easy to demand this from others without giving it in return. It’s quick and easy to say “I wouldn’t do that so it can’t be good for anyone.” “People who do that can’t be very smart.” “Can you believe they said that? What kind of person are they?” “Just look at the posts they make!”
And just like that we’ve taken a side, built a wall and created an enemy. Mostly of our own doing. Often times without the “enemy” even being aware of our indignation. And they’ve had zero opportunity to defend and humanize themselves.
We should all be careful not to complain our way into having enemies. To not judge the person by their bad day, or, worse, by the rumors we’ve heard about them.
To combat this we can pray blessings over them, write a list of their positive traits or send them a small gift. We can choose the high road and give them the benefit of the doubt, especially when rumors are involved and proof is no where to be found.
One tough question we can ask ourselves is this: Have I stopped being proactive about making positive changes in the world and resigned to just whining about them on my digital soap box? Have I unnecessarily created any enemies out my pet peeves and opinions?
Who Am I Jealous Of?
Jealousy, wanting what others have, can be a strong emotion that drives us to act irrationally.
Jealousy can allow us to feel like other people are prospering out of hate for us. As if they got that promotion just to spite everyone else and not because of their hard work. Or that happy couple got married just to rub it in your single face.
Brace yourself… They didn’t.
Jealousy can be overt at times. But often it sneaks up on us. We allow it to creep in on social media. Or we watch too much reality TV.
It’s easy to fall into the trap that we deserve the lives we see other people living, especially when all we see are the positive things they choose to show. We assume we’ve earned what they’ve earned.
Jealousy does some weird things to us. It drives us to obtain the object of our desires. Then we start to tear down the person we once idolized. After all, they can’t be so great if we can be just like them.
So we move on to the next influencer and repeat the pattern. The hamster wheel of jealousy can be an empty way to fill the God shaped hole in our lives.
We need to be reminded that God knows more than we do. He knows our own needs better than we do, He already knows our future. He also knows the needs of the people we’re jealous of. He knows that we all have unique circumstances that will lead each of us to our unique futures. We don’t all need the same preparations.
Who Do I Hate?
The definition of an enemy is “A person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something.”
Enemies are people we have somehow engaged with. We have a dispute with them. Maybe it was a car accident, or a verbal argument or a literal war zone. Something the engages some kind of back and forth between us and them.
On the other hand, the definition of hatred is “Intense dislike or ill will.”
Just as with complaining and jealousy we have to be watchful not to fall into the trap of hating others.
Often we let our hate brew until it makes an enemy out of thin disgust. Out of the pride of believing our ways are the best ways.
The Bible directly warns against this.
Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
What Does the Bible Say About Enemies?
Matthew 5:44 Aramaic Bible in Plain English
“But I say to you, love your enemies and bless the one who curses you, and do what is beautiful to the one who hates you, and pray over those who take you by force and persecute you.“
This verse is my inspiration behind this whole blog. Though people may hate, curse and persecute us, we are called to do what is beautiful to them. We can only do that through biblical compassion that allows us to pray blessings over anyone at all. No matter what they’ve done.
When this feels like a struggle we can look to the following verse and know that God will provide what you need.
James 1:5 NIV
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
Final Thoughts
Complaints, jealousy and hatred harm me more than the people I’ve pointed them at.
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Mark Twain